1.21.2010

So I don't know about you

but working to produce creative content is one of the most fulfilling forms of work I know besides good hard labor. The work I do on an every day basis I don't really care for all that much. It's interesting enough to do for money...

There isn't enough joy in life lately, or ever really. There is always too much despair.

I've been reading a lot lately, or at least a lot compared to where I'd been for the last few years which was nothing. I used to love reading but nowadays the tired excuse "I don't have the time" seems to suddenly have the energy to produce itself with a surprising regularity. I've been working on things instead which is good but stressful. I don't think I'm getting enough sleep so I guess here's where we find out can I crack it or just crack? I think I'm doing fine though. Anyways, fine enough to sit here wasting time blogging instead of working! Oh god, where am I?

I have a show on February 11th with my band Not Equal. It's going to be really awesome. Having a show scheduled is a galvanizing feeling. I feel like I can conquer anything! The next day though who knows. It's this kind of uncertainty, like walking over the edge of a cliff with your eyes closed. Is there a bottom or will you just fall forever?

I'm looking forwad to playing shows because to me I guess that is the reason for doing what you're doing. Being in a band and not getting gigs is pointless or, at least it can feel that way. What's the point of playing or writing songs if you're not going to find some way to share them with people? I don't even care if people love us but I'm going to try my best to get them to. Fame is unimportant but success I guess by my own definition is important.

Things happen, slowly but surely. It's hard to remember to just breathe sometimes and experience one moment to the next.